Finding Peace in the Midst of Chaos

To say that this last week hasn’t gone as planned is an understatement. After a summer of finding various babysitters, working abnormal hours, and experiencing Texas’s heat wave, this week was supposed to be one that resembled some sense of normalcy. I thought that going back to work with (somewhat) regular hours and inching further into August would bring with it some routine. As usual, God had other plans.

On Sunday evening, we discovered that we had a water leak in our house. While the situation definitely could be much worse, we are displaced until we can get the plumbing work done. Wesley seems to enjoy the arrangement of staying with his Gigi and Papi, but this all adds another layer of chaos to my already out-of-routine life. I also broke my phone this week, which added to the stress of an already out of control week.

Chaos always seems to appear when we least expect it. It’s as if God responds to our need for routine and normalcy with a situation that requires us to need him more than our routines. Though this chaos has been heavy, and I’ve felt like crying a lot this week, I’m honestly doing pretty okay. I know that this situation is one that requires me to deepen my trust in God. It’s one that has shown me that chaos will always be present in this life, but we can still have peace and contentment in the midst of our chaos and mess.

We Can Still Have Peace

Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this one? We so often expect life to go a certain way, but then it gets messy. We long for certainty, but God continues to seemingly give us unknowns or multiple choices that we have to discern. And sometimes, life feels chaotic. Everything feels out of sorts. The chaos makes us become anxious, overthinking every part of our life. It also causes us to respond to our circumstances with annoyance, bitterness, and frustration.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can experience chaos and mess but still have peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). It is possible to have peace in the midst of our difficult days. We can respond in ways that are productive like allowing our circumstances to draw us closer to God and growing in faith. We can be content even when the world around us is falling apart… even when our world is falling apart.

How do we find peace and contentment in the midst of chaos, biblically?

Remember where peace comes from.

Micah 5:5 tells us that “he will be our peace,” referring to Jesus’ coming. This is a great hope to the Israelites who will be humbled by foreign powers, were exiled to Babylon, and were literally trampled by their enemies and were only a remnant. Paul also writes in Ephesians 2:14 that “He himself is our peace” in the way that he created unity, breaking down the wall of separation between humanity and God. 

Jesus himself is peace. Therefore, we can only truly experience peace by following Jesus. Just as the Israelites believed that the Messiah would be their peace when attacks came their way, we too can trust that Jesus will be our peace when we experience chaos in our daily life. He is where our peace comes from. It’s through him alone where we can gain peace that is beyond human comprehension.

Build your foundation on the Rock.

At the end of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus proclaims that those who hear his words and follow them will “be like a wise man (or woman) who builds their house on the rock” (Matthew 7:24). When the rain comes and the wind blows, their house will remain standing because it is built on the Rock. Likewise, when the rain and winds of our life come to knock us down, we can stand firm because we have a strong foundation. 

When we build our foundation on Jesus, we can experience peace in chaos because we know that God has it all handled. Our heart isn’t easily swayed or discouraged. Where is your foundation? Is it built on the things of this world or on your expectations, status, or accomplishments? We often feel discontent because we are placing our hope on things that are not worthy. Only Jesus is worthy. Make sure that he is where your foundation is.

Live out of your Kingdom citizenship.

In Philippians 3, Paul writes about putting his confidence in Christ rather than the things of this world. He also writes about all that he has gained as loss compared to all that he gained in Christ. Paul’s reminder to the Philippians that although they were under Roman rule, their citizenship was in heaven is a reminder for us today too. Though we live on this earth, we are citizens of heaven. 

When we abide by the ways of this world, we experience tension because we were never meant to live that way. We were meant to live as Kingdom citizens, following the ways of Jesus. And as we already know, when we follow Jesus, we are invited into an all-encompassing peace in any circumstance.

Bring your concerns before God with prayer and thanksgiving.

Even by following these directives, we are still human. We will still experience frustration over our circumstances and be discontent with our lives at times. When our life feels chaotic, our immediate reaction is usually one of bitterness, confusion, or anger. But if we desire to have more peace in our life, we can turn to the One who is peace. 

Philippians 4:6 tells us to be anxious for nothing, but give our requests to God with thanksgiving. “Do not be anxious” is not an option, it’s a command. As Christ followers, we are meant to lean into God for every need rather than sitting in overthinking or anxious thoughts. 

When we bring our requests before God, we are to do it with joy and thankfulness for all that God has given, even if our circumstances are something we wouldn’t have chosen. Sometimes our prayers have to look like “I don’t understand, but I’m grateful for what you’ve given me” and that’s okay. Bring your requests before God, and watch how you are immediately filled with peace.

He Has A Plan

Even in this place of chaos and unknown, I trust that God has a plan for all of this. Sometimes that plan is just that we’ll lean further into him. It’s hard to let go, friend, believe me. But all I can do in this situation is give it over to God and believe that he’s working it out. That gives me peace to know that he’s in charge. We can experience peace and contentment in our mess. I hope you’ll join me in that restful place.

The Uphill Battles We Face

Summer afternoons in Texas aren’t usually times where I want to be outside. I would rather have all the AC, ice water, and snacks. Some days my two-year-old agrees with me. He looks out the window and says “hot outside.” He then wants to watch a movie (usually Frozen 2 or Zootopia) and eat fruit sacks or alphabet cookies. But some days he wants to endure the heat to play in his small plastic pool. As I drag the pool into the grass and begin to fill it with water, he collects the soccer balls scattered around the yard and moves his slide into the pool.

As Wesley slides down into the water (sometimes going down head first), I’m grateful for these moments with him. I’ve enjoyed seeing him grow older, become better at communicating his needs, and being able to entertain himself. Our time outside in the pool always makes him laugh, as he splashes and imitates songs and moves from his swim lessons. 

But even with all of the fun, he ends up feeling frustrated at some point. Why? Because he tries to climb up his slide rather than going around to take the stairs. He ends up sliding back down into the water every time, barely making any ground.

Uphill Battles

As I watched Wesley doing this a few days ago, it reminded me of the uphill battles we face at times as Christians. Sometimes we face uphill battles that God called us to walk. It’s like when I’m pushing Wesley in his stroller, but it’s a steep hill. It takes effort, endurance, and strength, some of which I have to rely on God for. These are difficult seasons and circumstances that God allows us to face so that we can grow. Oftentimes, they are entirely out of our control. They are struggles that are unexpected, but we are able to make progress and grow within them.

However, we also face uphill battles that are of our own making. Instead of discerning what God has for us or listening to him when he reveals himself to us, we try to go our own way. Like Wesley attempting and failing to climb up his slide, we fight against God’s intention for us. We attempt to control our situation so it works out how we want it to, not how God intends for it to work out.

Like Wesley and his slide, there’s a better way forward, and it’s the way that God intended for us. Instead of fighting battles that we were never called to fight, we need to go around and take the stairs. In other words, we need to stick with God’s plan for our life instead of our own. We have to stop attempting to go our own way and follow God’s way. Our uphill battles are meant to shape us, but they’ll only leave us frustrated if it’s not one that God has called us to endure.

Heart Check

Whenever I find myself feeling frustrated about something in my life, I have to do a heart check. Is this something I’m frustrated about because of unmet expectations, my need for control, or my pride being hurt? Am I trying to do something that God did not call me to do? Sometimes it’s none of these things and is entirely out of my control, which is a frustration I need to give to God. But these other things—they disrupt my peace. 

My need to be in charge and for things to go my way are the main cause of discontent in my life, and maybe in yours too. We all have expectations and dreams, but when they’re in line with God and what he has for us, that uphill battle will be one of growth because we are walking hand in hand with God. 

If you find yourself frustrated with an uphill battle today, I think it’s important to ask these two questions:

1. Is this uphill battle one that God has called me to walk? Or

2. Is this uphill battle one that I’m experiencing because I’m attempting to do things my way instead of God’s?

If your answer to number one is yes, then I’m grateful that you’re following God’s calling. It’s not always an easy road, but God will give us strength when our feet fail. He is doing a great work in you!

If your answer to number two is yes (even if it’s a hesitant yes or a yes that you aren’t quite ready to admit), consider finding the root of the struggle. What about your circumstances is causing you to attempt to do things on your own? Is it an unanswered prayer, a rejection, unmet expectations, or desire for a goal or dream? Maybe you’re chasing after something that only God can give you. Whatever it is, take some time to surrender that to God. Take the stairs, friend. Stop trying to climb that slide because it’s only disrupting your peace and your fun in the sun.

Learning the Lesson

After every failed attempt, Wesley locks eyes with me, willing me to help him climb that slide. But this mama was not going to budge. Sometimes as a parent, I have to allow my child to learn a lesson the hard way. I think God is like that too (I’ve come to appreciate these teachings much more as a mother). He gives us opportunities to change course and to realize that the decisions we are making aren’t really that helpful for us. He’s always watching and always present, but He often gives us space to learn the lesson on our own.

And Wesley finally did. He eventually got up out of the water, walked around the side of the pool, climbed up those stairs, and slid down into the water (head first, as always). As he splashed in the water, I thought to myself of the freedom and peace that comes with walking with God. Even if He calls me to walk paths I never wanted, I would rather cling to Him and find peace there than try to do things on my own. 

You see, our efforts will always fail if they are apart from God. Sometimes they’ll look like success. Maybe Wesley will eventually be able to climb to the top of that slide. He could sit at the top and cheer and be proud of himself. To be honest, I probably would be proud of him too. But I’ll always remind him that the better way is the way that God intended for us. 

So take the stairs, friend. It’ll be well worth it.

Living With a Spirit of Indifference

As the summer days drag on and I dig my feet into the rough, dry soil of this season, I’m reminded that none of this is a surprise to God. He gives and He takes away. He makes a way for me. Even though I’m in a season of much abundance, I still feel as though I’m waiting for a breakthrough. Following God is about trusting that he will water our souls and replenish us when our season feels dry or when we’re waiting for him to make a big move.

Over the last several months, I’ve taken on a spirit of indifference. In Ruth Haley Barton’s book, Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation, she discusses something called a “prayer for indifference”. This means praying to be indifferent to anything that is not God’s will. The questions she brings forth for this reflection are:

What needs to die in me in order for God’s will to come forth in my life?

Is there anything I need to set aside so that I can be open to what God wants?

We can utilize these questions to bring forth indifference in our lives, but we also can pray that God would reveal to us the answer to these questions and how exactly he wants us to respond. Barton says that “the movement toward indifference is the threshold between two worlds: the world of human decision making and the world of discerning the divine will.” So not only do we need to pray for indifference, but we also need to put on a spirit of indifference toward the things in our life that are not God’s will for us.

What is Indifference?

I believe that the word indifference can bring forth mixed reactions. But indifference is not a bad thing when we are indifferent to things we should be indifferent toward. I want to be indifferent toward the things that God did not intend for me. We should want to follow God wholeheartedly, putting off all that hinders our relationship with him and our decision making. 

I’ve begun living with a spirit of indifference which allows me to focus more on what God actually meant for me in my life and current season, rather than what I expected, hoped for, or wished that I had. Having a spirit of indifference also helps me to curb my temptation to compare myself to others. It reminds me that we are all walking different journeys. We should not compare our journey to those of others or step outside the lane that God is paving for us. 

Having a spirit of indifference also assists us as we long to discern God’s will. By praying that God would show us what needs to die in us—and being vulnerable enough to even pray that prayer—we are opening ourselves to the divine will of God. If we are open-handed and eager for what He has for us, even if it means we may face trials and hardship, we will be blessed abundantly and we will be able to stand firm in the face of those challenges.

Living with a Spirit of Indifference

I want to help you to also pray for indifference and put on a spirit of indifference toward the circumstances in your life. This one perspective shift has made such an impact in my life, and I know it can change yours too. Whatever season of life you’re in right now, I want you to know that God longs for you to be an active participant. He also longs for you to better embrace what comes your way because you trust that His will is better than yours.

Here are some suggestions for how you can live with a spirit of indifference:

Acknowledge how your own expectations, agenda, and need for control hinders your open-handedness toward the things of God and surrender them to him.

Pray for indifference toward the things that are not of God’s will for you.

Recognize the parts of your life that wish to be more in line with God’s will, and pray that God would help to either align them or prune them.

Traveling Light for the Faith Journey

Our family went on a vacation to Hot Springs, Arkansas last weekend. Being amongst the trees and the trails was quiet and restorative. It was inspiring to me to finally be walking between the pines and truly seeing that imagery that I’ve written about for my Substack for over a year. 

Something other than experiencing the beauty of this trip and feeling inspired by the nature around me was that I realized how much of an over-packer I am. Now, this isn’t necessarily new information. I’ve always known that I have a tendency to over-pack. I like to be fully prepared for any scenario, which usually turns into me carrying way too many things around. But when it comes to travel and hiking, bringing way too many things with us weighs us down. And in our faith journey, it hinders us in our spiritual growth and holds us back.

Traveling Weighed Down

Maybe you’re like me and have never been a light packer in hiking, traveling, or regular life. You carry around things that you don’t really need but that you’re too scared to go without. Maybe you over-prepare because you think it will help you in the long run. And you sometimes bring along things that you think will serve you well but only turn out to be a hindrance.

Doesn’t this sound like our faith journey? We carry around our worries, anxieties, hidden sin, past wounds, and unforgiveness like they are necessary for the hike. We attempt to prepare for what’s coming but then end up feeling confused and stuck. Perhaps you’re like me and carry things around that you think will help you but only feed your need for control of the situation or season you’re in.

When we’re honest with ourselves, we can see that carrying around these things only weighs us down and makes our journey more difficult. They fester into wounds that continue to impact our spiritual health, and they cause us to struggle to face challenges that come our way. The things we carry impacts our spiritual growth and our agility when facing obstacles.

Because of Jesus Christ, you do not need to carry the baggage of your life around with you any longer. You can leave it behind by placing it where it belongs: at the feet of Jesus. Life feels lighter without the extra baggage–trust me!

Learning to Travel Light

As I said previously, I’ve always been an over-packer in my life. I not only pack too much for trips, but I’ve lived with spiritual and emotional baggage for way too long. I allowed old trauma and unhealed wounds to speak lies into my life, seeping poison into my heart that I carried around. My hidden sin tore away at me piece by piece. I was overcome by shame. I lived with unforgiveness for years, and it impacted my relationships and my peace. But once I finally surrendered, confessed, and gave it all over to God, I instantly felt lighter and more alive.

It is possible to travel light as we venture on our faith journey. When we only carry the things we need and rid ourselves of all that hinders us, we will experience more of God’s presence than ever before. We will know peace and open ourselves to deeper spiritual growth.

Here are four simple, yet deeply intentional ways we can learn to travel light:

Practice Forgiveness

I’ve learned that we cannot have peace if we do not forgive. I carried unforgiveness around with me for years, but it never served me well. It only led to bitterness and an aching heaviness that weighed upon my heart. We have to forgive those who have hurt us if we want to move forward in our journey. 

We not only have to forgive others, but we have to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and shortcomings. Perfection is an ideal that is unattainable and brings heavy weight to our pack that is impossible to carry. Forgive yourself and give yourself grace so you can move ahead much lighter.

Release Shame, Worry, and Past Wounds to God

Some of the heaviest baggage I lugged around my life was shame over past decisions I made and ways I hurt others (mostly unintentionally). I felt shame over my past and who I used to be. In addition to shame, I carried around worry over my circumstances and what people thought of me. I also had past wounds and trauma that I carried around as a shield around my heart. But they weren’t a shield; they were a weapon that the enemy used against me. They weighed me down and caused me to stumble.

We have to release these broken parts of ourselves and allow God to heal them before we can ever make real progress in our faith journey. Pray that God would remove these from your life. Pray that He would reveal wounds that you continue to carry and shame that has crept in. Surrender them to God and see how light your pack becomes.

Confess and Repent of Hidden Sin

I not only carried around shame, worry, and past wounds, I carried around hidden sin patterns known to no one but me. They were things that I couldn’t overcome and temptations that I fell into repeatedly. I recognized that I needed to rid myself of them if I ever wanted to grow and experience real peace in my life. I believe that a lot of the shame I felt was from these sinful patterns that I couldn’t find escape from.

This isn’t an easy process by any means, but we have to recognize the sin that is well hidden in our lives, confess it to God, and repent. Pray that God would help you to recognize any hidden sin that you have and that he would convict you to hand it over to him completely. 

Only Carry What You Need For This Season

Once we have rid ourselves of the baggage that hinders us, we can fill our pack with the things that matter for this season and this specific set of circumstances. When my husband and I went backpacking a few months ago, we obviously had to carry more than we usually would. We had all of our camping supplies in addition to our regular hiking gear. My backpack was heavy, y’all! 

Similarly, some seasons require us to carry more than others. Seasons that are full of growth, contentment, ordinariness, and harvest may not require us to carry as much with us. On the other hand, seasons that are marked by transition, waiting, grief, or constant struggles require some heavy lifting. But when we fill our packs with good things like discernment, wisdom, spiritual practices, a perspective shift, or Scripture, our packs always feel light.

Learning to be Fruitful Where We Are

Spring and summer tend to be the seasons of nature where fruit is most evident. I see it in my garden in the way that my jalapenos and peppers are bearing fruit and in the way that my eggplant, tomatoes, catnip, impatiens, and begonias are growing taller each day. Fruitfulness describes my garden and the fields where the Texas wildflowers grow. But what does fruitfulness look like for us in our faith journey, especially in seasons where we aren’t seeing the fruit of our labor?

Some of us may think that we have to do big works for the Lord to be fruitful. We also may think that if we aren’t seeing fruit that we aren’t doing enough. I don’t think that either of those things are true. God is simply calling us to be fruitful with what we have right where we are. Even if we don’t yet see the fruit, He still longs for us to complete the purpose that he gave us:

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.”

-Isaiah 55:10-11

Our Call to be Fruitful

Just as the rain and snow complete their purpose before returning to the heavens, God intends for us to complete the purpose he has given us before we return to him. This purpose is to glorify God, further the Kingdom here on earth, and grow in Christlikeness. He is calling us to fulfill our purpose and be fruitful exactly where we are today within our specific set of circumstances. 

When we wish away where we are, dread our day-to-day life, or remain stagnant amongst challenges or monotony, we are risking returning to God empty, just as the rain would be if it returned to heaven without first accomplishing its purpose on earth. We have to embrace exactly where we are and remember that God is calling us toward stewardship and fruitfulness right where we are. He has equipped us, prepared the way, and has given us what we need to be fruitful.

Just as the water brings forth fruitfulness, bringing seed to the sower and bread to the eater, God is also calling us to be fruitful in various capacities. We can be fruitful and fulfill our purpose in our career, our friendships and relationships, our families, and in motherhood or fatherhood. Our fruitfulness touches every sphere of our life, just as the water touches all parts of the earth and brings forth life. Even if we can’t yet see the fruit, we must remain diligent in accomplishing what God planned for us. He will be faithful as we seek to be fruitful.

How to Be Fruitful Right Where We Are

I want to be fruitful in the season of life that I am in and in the places and circumstances where God has placed me. And even more so, God has called us to be fruitful within those places. God has us where we are for a purpose, and we need to be fruitful and make the most of what we’ve been given. By being fruitful, we’re being faithful stewards of the things in which God has called us to do.

We can’t be fruitful when we’re holding tightly to our own expectations or agendas. We also can’t be fruitful by wishing away our circumstances or failing to see the potential in a slow-moving season. If we reap what we sow, wouldn’t we rather be sowing seeds of encouragement, faith, and openhandedness towards God’s will rather than holding tightly to our own ideas of how our life should look?

So, how can we be fruitful in this season of life, right where we’re planted? How can we dig our roots deep into the purpose that God has for us right now? 

We Can:

Broaden Our Perspective

I love that the Scripture that directly precedes Isaiah 55:10-11 are verses declaring that God’s ways and thoughts are so much higher than ours. It puts all things in perspective to remember that while I can have similar thoughts to God since I’m created in his image, I cannot even scratch the surface of the thoughts that God has. His ways are so much higher than ours, which encourages me to pursue fruitfulness even in difficult circumstances. 

It also puts into perspective the need for us to be fruitful: God has placed us where we are using his thoughts and ways that are higher than ours and has given us a purpose. He desires for us to accomplish what He’s purposed and will bless us abundantly in the thing He sent us to do. All of this is with His higher perspective that is writing the whole story! We can be fruitful when we shift our perspective toward open-handedness because we know that God’s plan is better.

View Challenges as Opportunities

One perspective shift that I’ve made in my life is to view my challenges as opportunities rather than obstacles. When we come across a trial, it can quickly derail our efforts to be fruitful. But when we view our challenges as opportunities to pivot or try something new, they become less daunting and less of a roadblock.

Accept the Circumstances We’ve Been Given

One of the most difficult things to do is to accept where we are even if it isn’t what we wanted. I’ve faced too many circumstances that were not what I had in mind. Even now, most of my life is not what I pictured. The only way that I’m finding contentment where I’m at and am able to be fruitful is because I’ve accepted that if this where God has me then it must be for a purpose. I’m laying down my expectations and agenda and trading them in for humility and surrender for the ways of God. I’m choosing to accept the set of circumstances that God has given me, and I’m trusting that He will be faithful to provide.

Continue to Plant Seeds Even if We Don’t See Fruit Yet

It can be so difficult to continue to plant seeds, especially when the fruit is not evident. I often feel this way while mothering a toddler. The seeds are being sown daily, but I likely will not reap a harvest until much later in the future. I’m blessed to see some small seedlings as Wesley surprises me by remembering what I’ve taught him, but I know that my work is hardly done. If we want to be fruitful where we are, we have to remain faithful in the planting process.

Remember Our Assignment for This Season (or Discern What it is if We Aren’t Sure)

It’s easy to be fruitful when we know what we’ve been called to do and what our assignment from God is. But we have to be discerning to know when it’s from God or if it’s the product of our own dreams and desires. It will be evident that it’s from God when it’s in line with God’s word and promises, you feel a sense of contentment around it, or you feel the Spirit clearly prompting you toward it. Our assignment also is something that will help us to live out our ultimate purpose of glorifying God, furthering the Kingdom, and growing in Christlikeness with our lives.

Once we know our assignment, we must remain faithful to accomplish it. We are fruitful when we live out a God-given assignment, and we also get to witness firsthand the goodness and faithfulness of God. 

In this season, this looks like being fully present when I’m around Wesley, teaching him right from wrong, and helping him to understand his emotions. It also looks like being a faithful steward and hostess of my new home. It also is using my skill set to glorify God and bless others through my job and my writing. But it also includes some mundane tasks like feeding my family every night and cleaning the litter box. By remaining faithful to my assignment, I know that I will be reaping a good harvest because my seeds are being sown in the things that God has called me to do today.

Live with a Goal of God’s Glory Being Known and His Kingdom Being Furthered On This Earth

As much as I have personal goals for my life, I have to hold them in contrast with God’s goals. He longs for us to grow in relationship with Him, make His name known, and glorify Him with our words and actions. I want to be fruitful in the things that make God’s name known and encourage others in their relationship with him. By being fruitful in those things, I know that God will bless me abundantly as I pursue the things of his will. It’s a constant, daily reminder that God’s goals need to be my goals too. His will needs to also be my will. I’m fruitful in what God has called me to do when I live with his ultimate goals in mind.

Embracing Transitional Seasons

God has a way of giving us big blessings all at once. Over the last month and a half, I started a new job, we bought a house, and we moved into our new house. While all of these are answers to prayers we’ve been praying for years, they each played a role in launching us into a season of transition. These in-between seasons are often times where we find ourselves in a funk. Our routines need to be adjusted, and our rhythms are all out of sorts. The adjustment can be rough. 

My son Wesley is a good example of this right now. We’ve lived in our new house for almost 3 weeks, and he still gets upset when we drive by the exit to our old apartment. He gets confused about where we’re going sometimes because it’s a different way than before. He also has been much more emotional about small inconveniences, likely because he’s a toddler with big feelings, but also because everything seems so confusing for him right now. Wesley has certainly been adjusting much slower than my husband and I.

The adjustment has been huge for us too. We have had to make changes to our schedules, and we even had to sell our old slightly unreliable car and get a newer one for David to drive to work. He has to get up earlier in the mornings in order to make it to work on time, and I’ve had to readjust my entire life due to my new job and our move. It all felt chaotic for a while, but the routines and rhythms we’re building are starting to feel more normal for us.

Learning to Embrace the In-Between

We all will face transition at some point in life, and sometimes, like my experience, it’s many changes all at once. In these in-between places, we can choose to be present and embrace all that this transitional season holds, or we can lose ourselves in the chaos and unknowns. I’m still right in the middle of this transition, but I’ve found a few ways that we can fully embrace transitional seasons:

Name and accept this new season for what it is rather than what you wish it was.

When we are able to name the season we’re in and accept, we’re able to move forward. This practice has helped me tremendously in my pursuit of living more intentionally where I’m at. Especially in transitions, we need to accept that we’re in a time of major change, and that’s okay. This season has purpose, and God is with us every step of the way.

Pay attention to the natural rhythms of this new season to assess what fits, what doesn’t, and what’s a priority that you need to make room for.

While it’s only been about three weeks since we’ve lived in this house, I’ve definitely learned what rhythms are going to come naturally for me, which ones don’t fit, and which ones I will need to work hard to maintain. It’s easy for me to coordinate getting Wesley and I to where we need to be each day. It’s easy for me to get our lunches together and to remember everything that needs to be done in the morning. I’m also finding it easy to wake up earlier in the morning because I know that when I take my time to get ready, I feel more put together and clear headed throughout the day.

But do you want to know what doesn’t fit as naturally? It’s finding time to write, making time (and motivation) to exercise, finding space for studying scripture, and creating good habits around prayer. It’s always the things that will benefit us the most that we struggle to fit into our already busy routines. It’ll continue to be a work in progress in the coming months to make these priorities permanent in my new routine.

Keep your eyes open for the ways God is present and moving in this transitional season. 

Something I’ve been working on over the last few years is keeping my eyes wide open for God. The days when I am actively looking for God are the days when I experience the most peace. And let’s be honest, we need peace more than anything in our transitions. I have to remind myself daily that God is active and working in my midst. I have to rely on Him during this tumultuous time of changes for our family. When my eyes are open, I see Him working all things out on my behalf. 

The other evening, I sat out on our patio when David took Wesley in for his bath and just relished in the breeze. The leaves blew, our grass that needed to be mowed swayed, and the setting sun turned shades of orange and pink. It was in that moment of having my eyes wide open that I remembered that this was what I had been praying for: a home to call my own, a backyard for Wesley to run in, and space to host our friends and family. Even in the transition, God reminds us of his faithfulness to us.

Give yourself grace and be patient with yourself. This is a time of change, and all changes bring natural anxieties and growing pains. 

To be honest, the first week that we lived in our new house, I had regrets about it. I thought we had made a huge mistake, and I missed our apartment more than I thought I would. Seeing Wesley so emotional, all of our things in boxes, and having to fix up more than we expected, I felt overwhelmed. That entire week, I found myself snapping at Wesley and getting frustrated about every little thing. I even doubted my dream of publishing a book and my writing abilities because I didn’t see how I would ever have time to write ever again. 

While this was wildly dramatic of me, we have to acknowledge that big changes come with big feelings, and sometimes those feelings can carry us away. We have to give ourselves grace, be patient with ourselves, and accept that transitions come with some big changes. Those changes will bring about all sorts of feelings, and it’s okay to feel them. It’s just not okay to sit in them for too long or allow them to hold us back from all that God is trying to teach us in this season. Be kind to yourself in your transitional seasons. This is a lesson I’m still learning.

As I Go

As I write this, I have a cat on my lap and Wesley is asleep in his room. My favorite candle is lit, and the sun is brightening up our living room. It’s these simple moments in our new home that remind me that this is exactly what we prayed for. We had offers on multiple homes that were passed over. It took us two years to find this home that we now call ours, and we’re thankful now that God saw a better plan for us. 

So, knowing that God has us in this transition and that this is all through his faithfulness and provision, I’m walking this in-between season with grace, building new rhythms as I go. I can’t wait to see all that God is going to do.

The Water Crossings of Life

David and I began our hike with our packs strapped tightly to our backs. Mine contained everything I would need for our overnight stay at our remote campsite: clothes, freeze dried food, two water bottles, a sleeping bag and pad, and a camping pillow. David’s pack carried our tent and his belongings. 

As we trekked along the trail, we came up on a water crossing. We had studied the map and knew that we would have to cross the river on the way to our campsite, so we came prepared with our waterproof hiking boots. We looked for the best way across, but even the best way across meant dipping our toes in the water at some points. There was no way across that left us entirely dry.

Water crossings along hikes always remind me of the difficult situations and seasons we face in life. Most times, our life is filled with the beauty of the trees and the sun beams falling through the openings in the leaves, but then we come up on the seemingly impassable. We face obstacles, challenges, and trials that seem impossible to get to the other side of. But in my 29 years of life, I’ve learned that there’s always a way across: even if it’s uncomfortable, unlikely, or downright unexpected. And we will never make it to the other side entirely unscathed.

My Own Water Crossing

My water crossings have been both deep and shallow. If you know me personally and know my story then you know that I’ve faced various challenges in my life. We all have from experiencing heartbreaks, loss, life changes, mental health struggles, and financial hardship. I’ve overcome obstacles, but it wasn’t always pretty or heroic. Sometimes it involved slipping on rocks and finding myself entirely submerged. For most of my life, my trials have gotten the best of me.

Over the last few years, I’ve made it a point to walk in the wilderness of life rather than through it. That was the whole premise of this blog I created nearly three years ago. I still feel the temptation to rush through the hardships and the challenges. Amid beginning a new job and living out of boxes as we begin our move into our new house, I’m feeling that pull toward wishing away where I’m at. It feels mundane and it also feels hard. It’s like standing on an unsteady rock in the middle of a rushing river. 

The water crossing I find myself facing today isn’t unbearable or impassable, but it’s certainly causing me to readjust my mindset and look for a better way across. It reminds me that I’m not in control as the current rushes toward me. Perhaps that’s what God intends for us as we face trials and challenges: He wants us to look for him in the midst of all of it and trust him to guide us across, for he’s the only one who can calm the wind and waves.

Facing Our Water Crossings

In the middle of the river with my hiking backpack, I found that there are three ways that we can face the water crossings in life:

1. We can come prepared for potential challenges in life.

2. We can utilize what we have in order to face them.

3. We can trust God to fill in the gaps.

We come prepared by remembering God’s truth in his Word and his promises to us. We hold firm to his truth and the truth of his character in being sovereign over all things and loving toward us. I often think of coming prepared as remembering things such as my waterproof hiking boots or first aid kit. It would be a lot harder to face literal water crossings and treks through the woods without them, just as it would be to face hardship without the truth of God’s word and character.

We utilize what we have by using our knowledge and prior experience to face trials head on. We remember all that God has done for us in the past and move forward from that knowledge. Just as a hiker uses makeshift tools to stay alive, we can use what we have to move forward in hardship.

We trust God to fill in the gaps when we fall short. Even if we lose our footing and what we thought was the best way across turns out to be more challenging than we thought, God gives us the strength and the wisdom to prevail, step by step.

Unexpected Beauty

As we reached the other side of the river, we immediately saw a cardinal gliding with the breeze, beauty we never would have seen if we hadn’t faced the water crossing head on. I believe that’s what God intends by allowing us to face trials in this life: to bring us closer to the beauty and goodness that we never would have experienced otherwise. He gives us glimpses into heaven and the glory that exists beyond this life. He carries us gently across the rough terrain so we may know Him and His goodness deeper than ever before.

Our water crossings – our trials and challenges – are not meant to hinder us; they are meant to bring us closer to God and closer to the person of Jesus. As we face our inevitable hardships in this life, let’s put on our waterproof hiking boots, step carefully along the rocks, and trust that God has our back in the middle of the river. He’s right there, our perfect Trail Guide.

Why Does God Give Us Hard Seasons?

As the most difficult season of my life raged on, I attempted to stay afloat white-knuckled and desperate for God to draw this time to an end. All I saw was darkness around me, and I was overcome with my emotions of grief and hopelessness. I didn’t see any way out. Why would God give me a season so riddled with pain and intense hardship?

We’ve all experienced seasons of life where we struggle to keep our footing. Our circumstances are overwhelmingly painful and difficult to face. Overcome by grief and heartache, we are barely surviving. Whether we are experiencing loss, tragedy, doubt, or all the above, we find ourselves wondering why a loving, good God would allow us to experience such heartbreak. We wonder why we experience difficult seasons at all.

As I look back on my life, I can see the multiple places where I’ve asked this question. These were the places where I saw no path forward, was in the pit of depression, and was nursing my wounds. I wanted to experience the peace and kindness of God, not the pain that comes from this world’s ways. I came to the conclusion that if God was all powerful and all knowing then my hardships and seasons of utter darkness had to mean something. There had to be a purpose behind them, and while I knew that I would not gain black and white answers from God, I knew he would answer me in some way.

Suffering as Christ Did

God did not promise us a pain-free life. He did not guarantee that we would walk this life unscathed. He also did not promise that we would be free from all hardship, challenge, and difficulty. So why do we act like He did?

So many of us (myself included) live our lives almost surprised when we face trials or angry with God when we experience difficulty. I think it’s a natural human reaction to feel these things, but we have to remember that our lives in this world will not be free from suffering. This is especially true if we are living our lives for God.

The Bible tells us that if we follow Christ we will suffer as he did (Romans 8:17, 2 Cor. 1:5, Philippians 1:29). It’s sort of a non-negotiable for Christians that our lives will include some suffering because Jesus suffered too. His people rejected Him. They didn’t recognize who He was. He was humiliated and killed. But His suffering was the ultimate suffering—dying on a cross for you and me.

That’s not to say that our suffering is not as important. It certainly is because it impacts the ways in which we live, connect with others, and connect with God. But we have to remember that Jesus paid the ultimate price. Our suffering comes with living for Him. And it’s what we do with our difficult seasons that really matters. 

How do we live out our difficult seasons knowing that our suffering has purpose? And after all, why does God give us those seasons to begin with?

Why?

I would like to preface this by saying that I acknowledge that I do not have all the answers. I simply have hope and confidence in a God that has divine purpose for all that he allows within this world. 

My belief in God is strongly followed by a belief that he works out all things for our good, but that does not mean that what is good for us will be all rainbows and butterflies. When I say that I believe that He works all things out for our good I mean that the good He sees for us may include some challenges and trials because it will only grow us into Christlikeness. It will shape us into the people He wants us to become. It will form us into people that are more reliant on Him and more resilient as we come upon future hardship. 

God’s idea of what is best for us looks nothing like what we think is best for us. And looking back on my life and decisions I made and things that I thought were what I wanted, I am so thankful that God knows better than I do. He has protected me so much, but He has also called me to walk through the fire to protect me from myself.

So, to answer the question “why does God give us hard seasons?”, here is the answer I have come up with from my own personal experiences and directly from Scripture.

God gives us hard seasons to:

1. Draw us closer to God

2. Teach us a lesson we wouldn’t learn otherwise*

3. Give us an opportunity to deepen our trust in God

4. Help us build endurance of faith (Romans 5:3)

5. Cause us to rely on God’s strength instead of our own (2 Corinthians 1:10)

6. Teach us humility (the entire book of Job)

7. Spur us on toward Christlikeness/To grow us (James 1:2-4)

8. Build resilience in our spiritual walk

Ultimately, God allows us to experience difficult seasons because it is for our betterment and for his glory. And while we will not always have the answers or see the fruit on this side of heaven, I still believe that God is the ultimate way maker. He is making good out of our most difficult circumstances and our in our darkest seasons.

If you are facing a difficult season today, know that God is with you right where you stand. He is working on your behalf. Allow Him to carry you during this season and trust that He is making a way.

_______

*I want to be very clear that I do not believe that the only reason we experience suffering is to learn a lesson from God. God does not “teach us a lesson” as a punishment from an angry God. The lessons we learn are how to rely on God’s strength, build endurance, etc. For example, in 2 Cor. 12:7-10, Paul asks to be delivered from his suffering, but God is teaching him a lesson in relying on His strength, which Paul does in his suffering. This is what I mean by learning a lesson through our difficult seasons. This article explains my line of thinking about this idea very well.

Finding Goodness Within the Hardships of Life

I used to run wild within my life. When life felt too hard I either retreated inward, was filled with nostalgia for the past, or I longed for the future. I avoided challenges by running. I thought that by wishing away where I was and finding anything in this world to fulfill me that I would come out on the other side unscathed. But all I found was that I was empty inside. My tendency to both sail and avoid hardship only hurt me in the long run, and I dragged other people down with me. 

The song This Will End by The Oh Hellos says it well: 

“No, I am not afraid to die. It’s every breath that comes before. Heartache, I’ve heard, is part of life, and I have broken more and more.”

It wasn’t until well into my adult life that I realized that my lifestyle was only causing pain for myself and others. I was caught in a vicious cycle of wishing away my life for something better. But running wild never seemed to fix my longing for more; it only left me even more broken and wanting. I had learned the hard way that my challenges were meant to be lived. They were not something to escape from—they were opportunities to experience God more and to grow as a person. I found that there was purpose in my challenging circumstances, and I discovered a new longing: to find the goodness and purpose within the hardships of life.

Purpose In Hardship

We all will come across challenges in life; it’s simply part of the human experience. We will face hardships, obstacles, and heartaches. Our hearts will break time and time again, and sometimes, we’ll be the ones doing the breaking. We are not immune from hardship. But it’s how we handle the challenges of life that show our character and our depth of faith. 

It may not feel like it, but I believe that there is purpose in every hardship that we will encounter on our faith journey. Scripture points toward a God who keeps his promises, is above all things, and allows suffering if it brings him glory and shapes us into christlikeness. We see divine hope in words of Scripture teaching us that God has a plan for all things. He is intentional in His very trinitarian nature, His creation of us, and the story for all of humanity. 

Over thousands of years God kept his people Israel in mind. He allowed them to walk in wilderness, live in captivity, and wait for hundreds of years for their savior to arrive. Many of their struggles were due to their own disobedience and hunger for other gods, but God would not have allowed it if he did not think it would draw them closer to him and closer to glory. 

If God was intentional in these ways toward Israel, why don’t we believe that he is intentional in this way toward us? His goodness shines through His intention and love toward us. We may never see the reasons for hardship on this side of eternity, but we must hold onto hope that there is a purpose in our suffering. If there is no other reason I can see, I believe that it must be for my good and for God’s glory in some way, shape, or form. God can use anything for good.

Finding Goodness Within Hardship

So the question remains: How do we find goodness within hardship? And how do we embrace the trials in our lives so we can learn the lessons God is intending for us?

First, we hold onto hope that God works out of good intentions.

In God’s very character he is good, loving, and just. He is gracious toward us and is quick to forgive. While parts of Scripture portray God as angry or punishing, we have to remember that the things that anger him must anger us as well. God’s anger is justified. Of course God would be angry over the things that draw us away from him. He holds righteous anger over the evil forces in this world because they do not tell the truth about Him, His word, or about His people. 

From the beginning of time, God’s intentions toward humanity have always been good. But we have to remember as well that good does not mean a life without pain. Because there is sin in this world, there will be troubles. The enemy is actively trying to destroy what God has created and deemed beautiful. However, God being sovereign and powerful, our troubles can be used for goodness and beauty. We can still have a good life and one that is painful at times. It is not either, or. It’s both, and. Besides, how would we know true joy if we did not also know heartbreak?

Next, we remember the promises of Scripture.

Scripture points toward a God who keeps his promises. From Abraham, to Joseph, to Israel as a nation, God did what he said he would do. But when we look at these examples, we can see that each of them came with their own struggles and hardships.

Abraham had to wait many years before he had a child with his beloved wife. 

Joseph had to endure years of slavery and imprisonment before he saw the fruit of his difficult situation.

Israel walked in wilderness, lived in captivity, and waited years for the Messiah.

But God.

He always came through in the end, didn’t He? Then how true is it that He will come through for us today? It may not look like our timeline or by our agenda or by our idea of how things will go. But God will always keep his promise to us: He has the final say. The victory is already won.

Lastly, we trust God in our hardship.

I ultimately think that how we live out hardship is dependent not necessarily on our endurance or our faith, but on what we believe about God. Do we believe that God is good? Do we believe that He allows us to suffer for his glory? Or do we believe that God is not always good and he causes our suffering? Do we believe that everything happens for a reason even if we will never know the reason? Or do we think that everything in this life—including our struggles—serve no purpose and just happen by coincidence?

It’s easy for me to trust God in the midst of hardship because I believe that he allows me to suffer because he has a greater plan in mind. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Regardless of if that means I am naive or not, it gives me tremendous hope to live out my faith journey. Perhaps my naivety gives me this hope, but it is a strong hope in the goodness of life at that. We have to trust that a good God is at the center of all things if we want to live this life fully.

The Detours of Life: Embracing God’s Redirection

As Wesley and I roamed the grounds of our apartment complex, he spotted an area toward the back fence lined with rocks. He pointed excitedly, exclaiming “rock” or in his words, “wock.” He started walking with one goal in mind: reaching the rock garden. But right in front of it lay an obstacle that his little eyes didn’t see. Mud filled the expanse between us and the rocks. 

I attempted to lead Wesley around the mud, but he fought me, assuming that I was stopping him from getting to where his heart was set upon. Scooping him up into my arms, I carried him around the mess. Once I placed him back down right next to the rock path, he realized that I was only trying to help him. I was redirecting him so he could avoid a mess and reach his destination unscathed.

God often works this way in our faith journey. He redirects out of love and care for us. But we are so much like Wesley in this situation, aren’t we? When God is leading us a different way than we want or expect, we fight against him. We often have our eyes set on a goal or a desire, and when we feel like God is taking us the long way around or leading us somewhere else completely, we grumble or lose hope. But we have to remember the big picture:

God is redirecting us because he can see all the things we can’t.

God knows our hearts and sees the temptations that we easily fall into. He sees the things that will hurt us if He doesn’t intervene. What often seems like a dead end or a long way round is simply a divine detour leading us toward a greater destination in a more fulfilling way.

God’s Redirection

Sometimes I like to think about what life would be like if I was in charge. If I had all the things I wanted throughout my life, would I truly be happy? Would my life be fulfilling or still be glorifying God? But when I remember all the things that God has removed from my life and replaced with something better, I’m so thankful that I’m not in charge. If I had all of those things I pined for years ago, I would not be the person I am today. I would not be living a life of godliness, nor would I be anywhere near the person I want to be.

Remembering all the ways that God has redirected me gives me hope when I’m in places of uncertainty or longing. It gives me a sense of gratitude that God knows what is best for us.

God redirects us so that we don’t fall into sin and aren’t easily tempted.

He takes away those temptations by completely removing whatever it is that is tempting us from our lives.

God redirects us so that we can experience something better than what we imagined.

Our human minds can only see and imagine so much. What we see as what we need or envision for our lives is so finite and small to what God sees. His redirection brings us to places we never even imagined for ourselves, and those places are so sweet.

God redirects us because we still have something to learn and experience within the detour.

Sometimes God makes us take the long way around because he has more to show us.

God redirects by taking things away so that we can live lives that are more glorifying to him and so he can bless us beyond measure.

God takes away jobs, relationships, people, opportunities, etc. so that he can provide something even better. He does not take away to be cruel or hardhearted. Rather, He takes away because He always has something better in mind.

And sometimes God redirects us by allowing us to face hardship because He knows that it will only grow us in the long run.

Sometimes God lets us step in the mud because there is a lesson to be learned there. He allows us the fleshly desires of our hearts at times because it will turn us toward Him. And He allows trials and challenges if He is certain that there is growth that will happen within it.

Embracing the Redirection

Learning to embrace times of redirection is certainly easier said than done. It’s easy enough for me to say that God’s redirection has blessed my life, but it didn’t feel that way while I was in the middle of it. I fought God hard. I wandered throughout my life as a stranger, always wishing away my circumstances for something better. The detour felt like a curse, not a blessing. 

But when we remember that God’s redirection is for our good, we can embrace our redirection and live wholly within it. We can embrace the redirections in life by:

Trusting that God’s plan is better than ours

It’s so comforting to believe that God knows a better way. He is guiding us with a gentle hand toward blessings and grace. His redirection is proof that He knows better. Let’s trust that His plan will always be greater than ours. 

Allowing His redirection instead of fighting it

I’ve spent so much of my life fighting with God, as if my wrestling and bargaining would ever change his mind. It was only when I allowed His plan to be the plan instead of fighting Him that I found beauty in the detours of life. It was at that point that I could start working with Him instead of against Him. There has been so much fruit in that work.

Accepting all that the detour has to offer

The redirections in life often teach us greater lessons that we would have learned otherwise. They also provide beauty and goodness that we wouldn’t have seen. There is so much that the detour has to offer. Keep your eyes open and embrace all that it entails.

Purpose in the Detour

After Wesley finished playing with the rocks, he went over to a hill covered in fallen leaves. As he threw them in the air and ran up and down the hill, his laughter overtook him. He sat in the fallen leaves entirely enamored with the scene and situation. He continued to laugh, joy filling his face. 

I’ve decided that I never want to forget all of life’s detours that led me to this moment. God’s divine redirection has led me to this moment, this season, this time in my life. I thank God that he didn’t give me what I thought I wanted years ago because I wouldn’t have all of this. God is so good and kind to us in his leading and provision.

If you find yourself in a place of redirection, remember that while it may feel like the long way around, there is purpose in the detour. God’s guidance is filled with goodness and gentle shepherding. He is leading you toward something greater than you could ever dream on your own. Embrace it all wholeheartedly.

Walking Confidently into the Classrooms of Life

My son Wesley absolutely loves preschool. His teacher sends me pictures of him all day—photos of him painting, playing with his friends, learning musical instruments, exploring the playground, and taking a much-needed nap. Preschool has been one of the best decisions we’ve made for him. He knows that he loves it, yet drop off is always tough.

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning, he is eager to get to the school. He can tell when I’m filling his backpack with diapers and readying his lunch box. He even brings me his socks and shoes, ready to face the day. When we arrive at the school, he walks in all by himself, happily wearing his backpack. But once we get to his classroom, that’s another story. 

It always starts with him being excited to see his teacher and his friends, but then he remembers that another person he loves brought him here and will be leaving. Then the waterworks start, and he runs back to me for a huge hug. 

Last week was especially hard on him, and he wanted longer, tighter hugs. And as I hugged him, he tried to crawl up me so I would have to pick him up and take him home with me. Even though I did feel bad for him (it’s hard to see your kid cry), I handed him off to his teacher. I reassured him that he would have fun and I would be back later and then I headed home. Minutes later, he would be playing as if the emotional goodbye never even happened.

Forgetting That There Is More

Sometimes I find that I’m exactly this way with my faith journey and relationship with God. I know that spending time with Him will be restorative, yet I cling onto things of this world to bring me entertainment and validation. Instead of walking into the classroom God is beckoning me towards, I stay in the hallway, stubborn and immovable. When I sense that God is calling me into something new, I get scared to step out of my comfort zone and take the next step in faith. And even when I know something is good for my faith and I sense God in it, I allow complacency to seep into my life. 

My own stubbornness surprises me sometimes. I’m always at peace, feeling accomplished, and fully restored when I engage in the things I know bring me closer to God. It’s similar to that feeling you get after you finish reading a book, complete a running goal, or achieve something really important to you. It’s as if I can sense Him in a deeper way, the connection unparalleled to anything else. 

But I can truly be so forgetful, just as Wesley is when he arrives at school each day. He forgets just how much fun he has in that place and the relationships he’s building. Similarly, I forget the goodness and peace that comes from truly connecting with God and trusting him with my future. I run away from the hard things, and I lack discipline at times. I’m often just like my son, stubbornly grasping for whatever I think will save me, forgetting that there is so much more life to live if I would step forward into the next classroom of life.

Into the Classroom

I don’t want to be someone who is desperately clinging to the past and my worldly comforts. I want to find peace and contentment in the things of God, boldly stepping out of my comfort zone daily. The woman I long to be is living in the present moment, connecting with the Lord every chance she gets, and has a deep, intimate relationship with God and senses the Spirit in all things.

How can we be the kind of people who step out of their comfort zones in faith, unafraid (or with a healthy fear) of what comes next? How can we walk confidently in the present moment, connecting with God every chance we get? And how can we cling to the things that restore us and build us up in the things of God instead of the things of this world?

We identify the habits we have that are drawing us away from God.

What habits do you have that are pulling you away from God? It can sometimes be difficult to pinpoint these habits, as they are so ingrained in our way of living. But we have to be aware of where we are falling short. Our habits make us who we are and show what we love. We have to find where we can build new habits that draw us nearer to God and better show our love for him.

We identify the places we look to for comfort outside of God.

Where are you looking for comfort, validation, and acceptance in this world? What are you clinging onto that is only a false sense of comfort? We have to remember that worldly comforts may bring satisfaction, but it’s always only temporary. The world cannot give us comfort in the way that God does. Look to Him instead!

We remember that life begins outside of our comfort zone.

I was a kid when I first heard the quote “life begins outside of your comfort zone,” but it wasn’t something I really believed in until I was much older. Sometimes it feels good to stay inside our little circle, but it gets really boring always playing it safe. We have to do the things that we know will help us grow even if it’s hard. Just like Wesley has to make the choice to go into his classroom every day, we have to make the choice to step out of our comfort zone in faith too.

We remember that God meets us where we are.

God will never lead us somewhere that he’s never been. He won’t take us on an adventure that He isn’t willing to walk alongside us. God meets us exactly where we are in any season and in any condition. We have to remember that even when we aren’t sure where God is leading us or we are afraid of what comes next. God is with us, every step of the way—without judgment and with unwavering compassion.

At the End of the Day

When I pick up Wesley from school, he always runs to the door to greet me. His teacher and the administrators always tell me how sweet he is. His teacher hands me his backpack, lunchbox, and artwork, and I take him up in my arms. As we walk to the car, he tucks his head into my shoulder, happy to be reunited with his mom. In that moment, I know that it’s worth it. The tears at drop off are unmatched to the skills he’s learning and the reunion at the end of the day. 

Stepping into the classroom is a choice we must make in faith, whether that is a new season, a fresh opportunity, or the opportunities we have every single day to connect with God. As we step into the various classrooms of life, we have to let go of the things that hold us back: our idea of how we thought it would go, our fear of what comes next, our worldly comforts, and our habits that no longer serve us well. And I promise, what we leave behind is never as good as what’s coming.

Pursued by God: A Weekend That Changed My Life

There have been moments in my life that were a building block or a redirection that has led me to where I am today. There are the mountaintop moments like attending church camp for the first time, being baptized, my first mission trip, leading youth camps, or my spiritual retreat during seminary. But there are also the small moments in life that have changed me: a new relationship, finding a new routine or habit in faith, discovering a new favorite worship song, or leading worship for the first time. They’ve been defining and refining in their own ways. 

My Pursued weekend* was both of these things: defining and refining, yet both mountaintop and small. It was a weekend away from the world on a one thousand acre ranch. There, I encountered God in big ways and also in the ordinary. It was as if he was whispering to me, you’re just getting started.

Pursued Weekend

To be honest, I was skeptical going into the weekend. I knew others who had attended this experiential weekend, and they all said that it was life-defining for them. It literally changed the course of their life. Now, I’m not saying I didn’t believe them. I’m just saying that I had doubts that it would change me in that way too.

I went into the weekend looking forward to time away from responsibilities at home, but I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I didn’t have any huge sin in my life (or so I thought), and I didn’t think I was in a bad place with God. My relationship with Him was alright. I felt connected (enough) and I had been seeking to find Him in the ordinary parts of my day.

But God has a sense of humor. I’m sure you’ve experienced it a time or two. It became extremely clear to me when I arrived that God was wanting to shake up my faith that weekend. He was eager to completely change my view of Him and my relationship with Him.

A Fear of Intimacy

As we began to share about ourselves with each other, I felt God impressing on my heart that I needed to overcome my fear of intimacy. Y’all–I’m not lying when I say that I didn’t know I had a fear of intimacy. I knew I didn’t really like physical touch, and I struggle with friendships sometimes, but a fear of intimacy? Yeah right, God.

But it became clear to me that the reason I couldn’t ever see God as an intimate and loving Father was because I was holding onto past wounds, experiences, and words that made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of it. I couldn’t view myself as a beloved daughter of the Most High because I would rather worship God as sovereign than as loving and known. 

There was a reason that I struggled with intimacy in my marriage and with close friendships. And there was a reason that I often found it hard to put together words about a deeper, more intimate relationship with God. It was because I didn’t have that type of relationship with Him or anyone in my life, including my husband. My intimacy and connection with others had limits. I had walls up that I didn’t even know I had built. My view of God was narrow and firm.

But God had knocked down all of my walls by the end of the weekend.

The Acorns That Knocked Some Sense Into Me

Through various activities, experiential moments, sharing with other women, times of worship, and time alone with God in the wilderness, God broke down my walls one by one.

On Saturday morning, I had my hammock set up in a pair of trees. While I was sitting there, eyes closed and meditating, I got whacked in the head by something. I’m not kidding when I tell you that I thought a giant branch had fallen off the tree and just about knocked me out. Once I gathered my bearings, I realized that I had not been concussed by a branch, but that the wind had knocked a pair of acorns into my hammock from the tree. 

As I studied the two acorns that were connected to each other, I knew God was saying this is how we are to be: connected and whole. Intimately known by one other.

He literally hit me over the head with it. Okay, God.

At that moment, I realized that God had called me out to that Pursued weekend to break down walls I had built up years ago. He longed to have a deeper relationship with me. I had to tear down the walls I had around my heart and let Him in. He had literally led me into the wilderness and spoke tenderly to me (Hosea 2:14).

Throughout the rest of the weekend, God continued to speak, sometimes boldly and sometimes through small gestures. He made space for my wounds, for my tears, for my sins. He showed me great kindness and love as I slowly opened my heart up wider and wider for Him to enter in. I said goodbye to parts of me that I never want to remember again, and they were given over to God completely, once and for all.

Radical Honesty

I know that this blog post is a little out of the ordinary for me. But if I’m going to be honest about my faith journey and encourage you in yours, I need you to know that God will always meet us where we are. It doesn’t have to be on a retreat weekend, although that atmosphere does help. We just have to be open, honest, and willing. Maybe more so than we have ever been.

Because of radical honesty with God, myself, and the women I now call my newest friends in Christ,

I’m no longer carrying wounds from the past.

I’ve forgiven those who have hurt me.

I’ve been encouraged and affirmed in my walk and in my calling.

I no longer compare myself to others.

I’ve forged new friendships with women in Christ.

I’ve asked God for forgiveness for sins I’ve been stuck in for way too long.

I’m intentionally spending intimate time with the Lord.

I feel lighter and more free than I ever have.

I can call myself beloved daughter, loved and known by God, and truly believe it and live in it.

Because of my Pursued weekend, I’m freer, full of life, and honestly the closest I’ve ever been to God. This experience renewed me. I’m excited to share more about my experience and my newfound intimacy with God through my writing. I hope you can see Him shining through it even brighter now.

*I know many of you reading this don’t live in Texas or anywhere near it. But for those of you who are near, you can check out more information about Pursued on the Illuminate Ministries website. This weekend changed and reshaped my life, and I know it can do the same for you.

What Gardening Taught Me About Intentional Living

As we enter into the colder season here in Texas, my patio garden is beginning to end its blooming season. Most plants are ready for harvest, although for my bell peppers and jalapenos, the time for flourishing is right now. The peppers will be ready for harvesting in the coming weeks.

I’ve already harvested my thyme and sage, and the rosemary will come next. The blooms on my vincas and petunias are coming to a halt, ready for their winter rest. My strawberry begonia and asparagus fern are growing steadily, grateful for the cooler weather. The lemon tree is growing steadily and growing stronger as it prepares to eventually bear fruit. And my Chinese hibiscus is getting ready for its last few blooms to fall.

Caring for my patio garden has taught me many lessons this year, many of which remind me of our faith journey. The way the plants change with the seasons reminds me that we all change with the seasons as well. We all have seasons that are good for growth, while others are a kind of hibernation or dormancy. Sometimes we even endure seasons of pruning. 

But most of all, caring for this garden reminds me that no two people or plants are exactly the same. We all have our own needs when it comes to being filled spiritually (or with water or sunlight). Each person connects with God in such a unique way. And every person has been given a purpose from God that can’t compare with those around them. 

Gardening–even on a patio–has been spiritual for me, as I have the honor to bring forth new life. I also have the responsibility of taking away life through pruning and harvest. But even in the pain, flourishing comes forth. There is flourishing in the breaking. Out of hibernation and pruning comes an even more fruitful plant (and person). In my care of my garden, I’m reassured that God looks after us in this way too, meeting our individual needs right where we are.

Of the many lessons I’ve learned from my patio garden, these are the ones that have impacted my heart the most:

There are seasons for planting, growing, pruning, and hibernating.

Planting Seasons

Last spring, I planted herbs and purchased small bell pepper plants. I also purchased a new asparagus fern, a strawberry begonia, and a lemon tree. My petunias and vincas were gifted to me. I found the perfect planters and soil, laid the seeds and small plants in them, and continued to nurture them until they started to grow. 

Just as in gardening, we are given specific seasons in life where we are called to plant seeds. God gives us the specific words to give to others, and he guides us as we do so. I’ve found that mothering a small infant or toddler is sometimes a planting season. The fruit isn’t evident quite yet, but we are constantly planting seeds by showing love, demonstrating how to do things, and teaching obedience. Planting seasons have their place in the circle of life. There will never be growth if a seed wasn’t planted first—and sometimes, the seed that grows isn’t even one we knew we planted.

Growing Seasons

As I continued to nurture my plants, ensuring that they had the right amount of water and sunlight, they began to grow. The petunias and vincas bloomed all summer long. The herbs grew quickly, leaving a fragrant smell in their wake. My baby lemon tree continued to grow stronger branches and new large leaves, preparing for fruit someday. Now, in the cooler weather, the peppers are finally growing and thriving.

While we grow in every season of life we encounter, I believe that God sometimes places us in seasons where he is encouraging us to grow exponentially. He provides challenges and just the right conditions to help us learn more about Him and His ways in this world. God nurtures us and gives us what we need so that we can grow spiritually.

Pruning Seasons

The fall months means that the pruning season for most of my garden is here. I’ve already begun to harvest my herbs and cut back my petunias. After the peppers are harvested, I’ll cut back again on those plants too. When I rescued the Chinese hibiscus from my apartment complex’s dumpster, I pruned it way back because it needed some major encouragement.

We all have experienced pruning seasons in life where something is taken away or we have to rid ourselves of something that is holding us back from a deeper life. Pruning my plants reminds me that there is always flourishing that comes from the breaking. Pruning is not done without purpose or the long haul in mind. Welcome God’s pruning, knowing that there is a purpose for it.

Hibernating Seasons

We will soon be entering into winter, and once we do, most of my patio plants will enter a type of hibernation or dormancy. None of my plants grow very much in the winter, but it’s still an important season. They need time to rest and soak in nutrients that will benefit them once the growing season comes. They need to heal from being pruned. Their hibernation impacts their future growth.

I believe the same is true for us. I often find myself in a season of hibernation when the winter comes. Life slows down. It’s a season of growing and learning right where we’re at and storing up that knowledge for later use. Hibernation seasons may seem slow and without purpose, but the growth we experience within them will shoot through the soil when the growing season comes.

We can’t compare our journey or growth with anyone else’s. 

While the growing season for most of my plants was the summer months, my peppers are just now beginning to grow. They thrive in the cooler weather, and they had to wait until it was their turn. While they were still in hibernation, the plants around them were in their growing season. But they didn’t allow that to discourage them from flourishing in their own time.

When I think about my peppers and their journey, I’m reminded that we are all on our own journey in life. We often feel tempted to compare our lives with someone else’s, our low points to their high points. But we were not made to be like everyone else. When we remember that we are all made uniquely with our own individual growing seasons, we can live out our own journey even better. It’s not fair to compare our growth with anyone else other than our past self.

The nutrients we require to survive won’t be the same as what the person next to you needs.

It’s funny to me whenever I see quotes that are like “we’re like houseplants but with more complicated emotions” or “even as humans we need water and sunlight to thrive” because they’re true. We all need our basic needs to be met (and water and sunlight definitely help a bad mood). But we have to remember that what we need in our faith journey is not going to be the same as what the person next to you or the person you follow on Instagram needs. 

Just as my peppers require cooler weather to finally grow, we each have specific needs when it comes to connecting with God, showing and receiving love, and being encouraged. And sometimes, it takes trial and error to see what works best for us. One plant may require an every day watering while another only needs water once every few weeks. It takes time and focus on our own journey to find out what we need to thrive.

In My Garden

As I harvest, begin to prune, and prepare my plants for the coming winter, I’m reminded of the intentionality it has taken to keep them alive. It’s taken diligence to water them on time, nurse them back to health after an encounter with a squirrel, and find the best care for each one. But it has been work worthwhile to watch them bloom.

Sometimes I wonder if God sees us that way too. He pursues us, pours into us, and guides us as we go. He gives us direction and cares for us in the ways that are individual and purposed for us. God is diligent in his pursuit and care of us. Maybe God sees this world as a garden in which everything grows in its time. We are his masterpiece, going through the changing seasons of the world, dark cold to warm light, seed to seedling to thriving tree. 

Gardening has shown me that my hands can create beauty by getting a little dirty first. It’s shown me that every season is part of the process and has purpose beyond what we could ever imagine. Day by day, we are growing, even if the growth isn’t visible to the eye quite yet. In my garden, God is with me. And He continues to open my eyes to His ways in the most ordinary of things. May your eyes be opened as you grow too.

Staying Connected to God in the Transitions of Life

Wesley started preschool on Monday. I promise that this blog isn’t becoming all about Wesley, mom life, and all that it entails. But this week taught me a lot about my faith journey and the season I find myself in today. A lot of it is because of this huge transition for our family.

I knew the transition would hit Wesley hard, as he has stayed home with me full time for his entire life. But the transition has been hard on me too—maybe even harder on me than it has been on Wesley.

I’m in a place of considering what’s next for me career-wise. I’m also learning what the writing life looks for me with this new routine. As we transitioned into this new schedule this week, I struggled to live well in this new season.

My Current Transition

When I dropped Wesley off at school, I didn’t really know what to do with my time. You know how we so often wish we had all the time to do all the things, but when we finally have that time we don’t know what to do with it? That was me all week. By the end of the five hours, I found myself wishing I had done several things that I hadn’t gotten done. I felt almost resentful about a few of my responsibilities because it had taken away from things that I felt mattered more.

Second, I found myself spending a lot of time wondering if this was the right decision. This is an extra expense we now have to pay even though I still don’t have a job lined up. When I dropped Wesley off on Wednesday morning, he attempted to run right out of the room and come back home with me. His tears broke this mama’s heart. His teacher assured me that he was totally fine soon after, but I went back and forth for a while about if this was the right thing.

And lastly, I struggled this week with finding a new rhythm. Everything I did felt out of step and super weird. Nothing quite fit. I also realized I had several things that I desired to do, but trying to squeeze them all in wasn’t going to be possible with this new routine. I had to pick and choose, which is sometimes difficult for me.

Staying Connected to God in the Transitions of Life

I know that transitions in life are hard. But as I stand on this bridge between one season and the next, I’m realizing that I need God now more than ever. As uncertainty looms and I seek to build new routines, I have to stay connected to God. This week, I was reminded of several ways to stay connected to God during times of transitions:

We have to look for pockets of time for prayer.

In times of transition, it’s often difficult to find a set prayer time. This week, I’ve been asking God to make me aware of those pockets of time where I can pray. It’s looked a lot like praying while driving to and from Wesley’s school. The 15 minute drive each way has been a great time for being alone with my thoughts and reaching out to God in prayer. But even as I go throughout my day, I’m trying to be more intentional about reaching out to God in prayer. It’s in the transitions of life where prayer becomes a bit of a lifeline. We can’t ignore it or allow it to be set aside.

We have to re-evaluate our priorities.

Halfway through this week I found myself feeling resentful about some of my tasks I’d been responsible for. I felt that they took away from my writing time. I was annoyed that I said yes to them. But after some time discussing this with my husband, I realized that I just needed to prioritize better and let go of some things. I have to put time with God and my writing time higher on the list so I don’t feel bitter or resentful later. This week has certainly been one of re-prioritizing everything in my life.

We have to test out new rhythms, habits, and routines.

Times of transition are a great time to test out some new habits or rhythms. They’ll feel a little clunky at first, but after some practice, you’ll be able to tell if it’s something that should stay or something that you can do without for this season. It’ll take a few weeks before I find the rhythms that work really well for this season. It’s going to be trial and error for a little while. But I have to make sure that the habits that stick around are ones that help me connect with God and add value to my life.

We have to do a heart check.

I’ve been giving myself a lot of heart checks this week. I’ve been continually asking myself if my feelings are rooted in God’s truth or my own discontent or bitterness. Transitions often bring out some intense emotions, and we have to be discerning. Ever since reading Brene Brown’s Rising Strong, I’m finding that I’m more intentional about looking for the root cause of my feelings. We have to continually check our hearts to ensure that we are listening for the things of God instead of allowing our own emotions and ideas run the show. 

We have to be all in, right here and now.

It can be really easy to check out and wait for what’s next during transitional seasons. And to be honest, that’s what I’m really tempted to do right now. I want to sit back and wait for my next journey. But I know that I can’t waste this season right now. There are too many opportunities to connect with God and grow within these days. I have to be all in, in this present moment.

When you feel yourself avoiding or wishing away the transitional space, bring yourself back to this exact moment. What do you see? What do you hear? How do you sense God speaking to you? Be all in, right here and now.

All In

The transitions of life—the space on the bridge between what used to be and what will be—are just here for a season. In the waiting, God is continuing to restore and renew us. Our transitions are an opportunity to trust God more in the unknowns of life.

So next week, Wesley will return to preschool. I’ll continue to pack his little lunchbox and toddler-sized backpack. He’ll probably continue to get a little sad when I drop him off. And I’ll still continue to wonder what comes next for me.

But I’ll keep going, all in, because I know that our transitions are the steps into a new journey. The transitions of life are full of unknowns and new opportunities. I want to experience it all, even when it’s hard.

Standing at the Door of the Unknown

I’ve never been good with the unknowns of life, which is funny considering how much of life and faith is unknown. The certainty is actually what’s dangerous for us. It’s in those places of being so certain that we forget to rely on God because we think we can do it ourselves. But in our uncertainty we learn to listen for God, partially out of pure selfishness because we want to know what comes next, but also because we know that his way is the best way. He’s the only thing that’s certain, even though he’s also a mystery.

Standing at the Door of the Unknown

I often fall apart with the uncertainties and mysteries of life. When I’m standing at the door of the next season unsure of what to do with it—do I knock, ring the doorbell, or walk away?—the uncertainty feels dangerous. It brings forth questions and feelings I didn’t even know were living inside of me. My pattern of running from uncertainty has a pretty good track record.

But this time, as I stand at that door, it’s different. The unknown isn’t leaving knots in my stomach or pain in my chest. It isn’t causing anxiety or making me question everything I’ve ever done. It just is. And sometimes, just letting the uncertainty exist without having to define every little thing in life is freeing. 

I don’t need to know what comes next just yet because I’m living fully in this present moment. I don’t need to know what the future holds or what my new job will be because God has figured out. My concern over the future and what my next moves will be doesn’t have to have a grip on me. The uncertainty has space to live with me, and I’m learning to let it settle in.

I can navigate the unknowns of life because I’m giving it room just be. Not everything needs a definition or words assigned to it. And even though I have no idea what I’m doing with my life when I enter a new season in three weeks, I know that God knows. That is always enough for me.

Uncertainty is not my enemy. It is my becoming.

Here is what I’m doing to navigate the unknowns as I prepare to walk into a new season with no path in front of me:

I’m redefining my questions.

Right now, a lot of my uncertainty stems from my job search. I don’t know what I want to do, which really isn’t much to go on. This is a massive reason why this next season is so uncertain for me. If I keep asking myself, “what do I want to do?” or “how are we going to pay for Wesley’s preschool?,” that isn’t very helpful. It just adds stress and causes me to spiral. 

But if I ask myself, “what are my goals with finding a job?” or “what characteristics am I looking for in a job?,” that’s a lot more helpful. Redefining our questions in times of uncertainty can help us make better decisions and create better reflection. I still don’t know what I want to do, but these questions are helping me as I work through that process.

I’m making a list of what I don’t want.

This might seem kind of strange, but I figure, if I don’t know what I want, I should make a list of things I know I don’t want. I know I don’t want a job that feels too robotic or distant from people. I don’t want something too far out of my areas of expertise. And I don’t want something that drains the life out of me. 

By making a list of the things I don’t want, I’ve been able to pinpoint some of the things I do want: helping people as a direct result of my work, staying in my areas of expertise but trying something new, and finding something that is rewarding. I may be uncertain about a lot of things still, but knowing what I don’t want is helping me stay on the right track as I go.

I’m speaking my dreams and goals into existence.

For a long time I’ve been scared of truly sharing my dreams and goals. If I speak them into existence it feels like I’m setting myself up for failure or judgment. But finding the confidence to share more of my dreams with others is helping me to find my path through the unknown.

By knowing what my dreams are, I’m better able to discern what is for me and what isn’t. And by knowing what my goals in life are—as long as they are in line with God’s will for me—I know that God will place the right thing in my life at the right time. 

I’m giving God room to move.

Part of the reason I’m finding some contentment in the unknowns is that I’m not waiting around with expectations. Instead, I’m giving God room to move in whichever way he wants. My hands are open just waiting for him to show me what to do next. I’m not trying to force anything with my expectations or by obsessively searching for jobs online (although that’s what I’m tempted to do at times). 

I’m spending more time in prayer these days, and I’m truly giving God space to answer me. While I haven’t prayed this way in a long time, this type of conversation with God has been giving me tremendous peace as I wait for him to move. 

I’m looking for answers in my everyday life.

Instead of focusing on the unknowns and uncertainty I’m walking into, I’m focusing on what matters now: This very day and these last few weeks I have fully at home with Wesley. In my attention to the ordinary, I’m finding more and more of God’s hand in everything. He’s giving me answers just through my being faithful to right now.

Every single moment is an opportunity for God to move in a profound way. He’s been speaking to me a lot lately through small things like the gratitude shell from a few weeks ago, the flowers that bloomed out of nothing beside the river, leaves beginning to change color, and my petunias that keep multiplying. Even the changing weather is a testament to the changes that are happening in my life. I know the answers I seek live within these everyday moments.

Finding Peace in my Waiting

I’ve had eighteen months to consider what this next season holds for me. Perhaps I’ve actually had a lifetime. But as I grow and evolve and change into the person God is calling me to be, I suppose it’s natural to feel uncertain every once in a while—or even most of the time. No new season comes with full understanding. Nor does it ever mean we will have all the answers. Life ebbs and flows, and just like the deep holds secrets and mystery, our lives will hold them too. 

Nothing is ever completely certain other than God, and even he is a mystery to us. But I will hold onto hope that even when I’m standing at the door of uncertainty, I know that he holds the key, he’s on the other side, and he’s the door itself. He is in my very midst even in my unknowns. I will find peace in my waiting.

Seasons of Being Pruned: Where Flourishing is Born

My jalapeño plant sits on my patio in my homegrown garden. Its bright blue plastic pot brings contrast to otherwise greens of my herbs and the occasional pinks and purples of my petunias and vincas. While the summer heat keeps it from fully growing its peppers, I know that they’ll grow abundantly when autumn comes this year. Even in the summer heat she thrives, growing taller and taller, leaves filling out the plant so it looks almost tree-ish. But it wasn’t always like this.

After last autumn’s harvest, the jalapeño plant became barren and unfruitful. Her leaves began falling one by one. Eventually, I knew I had to prune her completely down to bare branches. Some of the branches even had to go too. While it was work that pained me to perform, I knew it would yield a bountiful harvest when the next autumn came. 

In the pruning and then flourishing process of my jalapeño plant, I was reminded that this is what God longs to do with us. He wants to prune us of the things that no longer serve us. By ridding us of the things that hinder us and hold us back, we will grow bigger and better than before. We can truly flourish into the people God is calling us to become. 

Pruning seasons are painful, yet it’s through the pruning that our flourishing is born.

Seasons of Being Pruned

Sooner or later, we all go through seasons of life that involve being pruned. This often looks like God removing something from our life so that we may be more fruitful. But to us, it doesn’t always look that way. 

It often involves deep pain as we grieve for what was lost, parts of us that we never wanted to say goodbye to. Old habits, relationships, jobs, comforts. All gone as part of God’s pruning process. But it’s through pruning that we are forced to come face to face with our dependency on things that are not of God. 

I have gone through my fair share of pruning seasons as God longed to shape me into someone who was dependent upon him instead of on things of this world. He’s taken away jobs, relationships, opportunities, friendships, habits, and old comforts as He sought after my heart. 

The pain of my pruning was excruciating. But looking back now, I can see that it was all for a purpose. By God removing those parts of my life that were causing me to stumble and turn away from him, I was able to flourish into the person I am now. I’ve experienced tremendous growth that I never would have if I was still holding onto the parts of my life that God was clearly trying to shear away.

While the pruning itself is painful, there’s no denying that there is great beauty that comes from it. By allowing God to prune us, we open ourselves up to a life that is so much more fulfilling than the one we’re currently leading. 

A Pruning Perspective

I want to be someone who handles God’s pruning with grace. But so often, I’m left wondering what I did wrong for God to do this to me. For so much of my life, I felt like it was a personal attack. 

How could God have taken that opportunity away from me, the one I thought was the right thing? Why did He take this chance, this job, this relationship away? Why did God remove from my life the things that brought me joy, the things that were comfortable?

But after almost 30 years on this earth, I’m learning the power of perspective. I’m also learning that God always has the final say.

God took away that job because it wasn’t the best place for me to glorify him. It also wasn’t the best use of my time or talent.

God took away that opportunity, that chance, for one that was so much better.

He took the relationship away because it was hurting my relationship with Him and causing me to stumble.

God removed the things that brought me comfort and joy because it was the false comfort that the world gives. He would soon show me what true comfort in the things of God was.

God’s pruning is always with purpose. The shears may be sharp, and we may have to wait for our flourishing, but we can trust that the pruning brings forth new life.

We can embrace the pruning by:

Allowing ourselves to mourn what was lost but remembering that God is in charge.

I want to be the first to say that it’s okay to mourn what was lost, even if it wasn’t good for us. Your feelings are valid, and your grieving is okay. Oftentimes, the things that God prunes from our lives are things that we held dear and weren’t ready to let go of.

It’s okay to mourn for those things, but we can’t allow ourselves to bask in nostalgia. Our nostalgic thoughts often only make us remember a past that was better than it actually was. We can grieve what was lost, but we have to remember that God is still in charge. Eventually we have to come to a place where we can comfortably walk away from what was lost and move forward, knowing that God has better planned for us. 

Reflecting on why God may have taken that relationship, job, opportunity, (fill in the blank) away.

Through our reflection, self-awareness, and being really honest with ourselves, we usually can begin to understand why God took away whatever it was in our life. Most times, it’s simply because something better is coming. God has something even bigger planned for us. Other times, it’s because it was causing us to stumble and we needed to keep our eyes better fixed on Jesus. Spend some time in reflection and ask God to help you discern why the pruning was necessary.

Asking God what we can do right now to begin our flourishing process.

By conversing with God in prayer, we are participating in what God wants to do in our lives. It’s often in times of prayer when I’m able to sense what God is calling me to or wants me to do next. He’ll sometimes give me little insights or small bits of inspiration or encouragement as I go. When we ask God what we can do right now, he’ll show up. Keep your eyes, ears, and heart open for His response.

Enjoying the preparation season.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll probably notice that I’ve written about this plant before. It’s funny reading that blog post now because it feels like so long ago. My writing has improved a ton since then, but the lesson in that post still rings true.

So often God calls us to a season of preparation after the pruning. In that season, God is preparing us for our flourishing. Preparation feels a lot like waiting for what’s next, but it’s in that season where God is getting our hearts and minds ready for what comes next. Don’t rush the preparation. Enjoy it, and absorb all that God is trying to teach you during it. Your flourishing is coming soon.

Pain that Brings Forth Life

As I pruned away the dead leaves and branches, I was a little distraught bringing pain to a plant I loved. But I knew that the pain would bring forth life. The cuts and bruises would heal and those areas would grow back stronger. 

I think of God in this way too. He gives and takes away. He prunes the dead things and pulls the weeds in our souls. I often think of Him as the master gardener. He knows that by ridding us of the things that hinder us and turn us away from Him, we’ll become more faithful, obedient, and zealous for the things of Him. He prunes so that we would become more bountiful and beautiful, inside and out. 

From the pruning, the flourishing is born.

Practicing Gratitude in the Midst of Uncertainty

For over a year, Wesley and I have taken almost daily walks by the river. Being next to the trails is one of the many blessings of where we live. The simple beauty of the grasslands and wildflowers that grow on the riverbank reminds me that we don’t have to be showy to be admired. 

But these days, the grass is withering away with the scorching summer heat. Its green color has turned to pale yellows and browns. We’ve started walking earlier in the morning to avoid the hot sun, but we still end up warm and sweaty when we get home.

Today, Wesley and I stopped at a much-loved bench that we’ve been skipping over because it lacks shade. But with the clouds overhead today, this bench welcomed us back. I unstrapped Wesley from the stroller and held his hand as he discovered sticks and small branches amongst the grass. 

In our exploration of the land, we found a shell with hand-drawn flowers and the word “grateful” on it. It isn’t clear how the shell got here—perhaps it was lost, left behind, or intentionally left to the land—but finding it was almost spiritual for me. It felt like it was left for me to find.

Goodness Right Here

I’ve been asking God for clarity and direction in my job search. In my searching, I’ve wondered what’s next for me and what I’m meant to do. It’s taken a toll on my writing, as I’m feeling myself being pulled into a new season that I don’t quite have words for yet besides uncertainty.

But finding that shell with the word and flowers and the moss-colored outer shell was a clear reminder that there is still goodness right here. I can be grateful even when I’m in a place of uncertainty, transition, or doubt because I know that there are still blessings in my struggle. In my waiting and wondering, God deserves my gratitude. 

Instead of focusing on what God is calling me into next, perhaps I should instead be giving him praise for what he’s already doing right here and now. Even in this place of uncertainty, I can see that God is still working. There are still reasons to be grateful, even when my heart feels anxious and unsteady.

Practicing Gratitude Amidst Uncertainty

I want to be better at practicing gratitude even when I’m in over my head. In those places of struggle, heartache, and uncertainty, I want to be someone who can still say that God is good. I want to worship and praise God for the good things he gives us, even if we don’t see the goodness in them right away.

But how can we truly practice gratitude amidst our uncertainty?

We can make a list of what we are grateful for. 

Ever since I read Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts, I’ve considered making a list of gifts to show gratitude. Right now, I’m doing this by writing daily gratitudes in my prayer journal. Today’s list looks like:

• Storytime at the library

• Library cards

• A really good smoothie

• Rain incoming

• The sweetest little boy

I know this list may seem silly, but it’s in those small things that we can see God moving. In the storytime at the library, I’m reminded of the blessing of community and the joy of small children. In my really good smoothie, I’m reminded of the fruits that God created and the perfect conditions in which he allowed them to grow so they could be blended into my delicious smoothie. And in the rain incoming, I’m reminded that God created and controls the weather—even the storms in my own life. 

Another way to practice gratitude is to steward well what God has given us.

This looks like using our God-given gifts and talents for God’s glory. It’s living more in the present moment and current season that God has given, stewarding our material possessions well. This means we have to stop wishing away our difficult circumstances and going through the motions.

I’ll be honest, I’m so guilty of wishing away tough times. It’s not even just challenges but also times where I feel uncertain or I’m waiting for something. I just want to skip to the good part. But in my wishing away where I’m at, all I’m doing is avoiding the lessons God wants to teach me in the struggle and in the waiting. I’m also failing to steward what God has given. 

We practice gratitude when we are living in the present moment, grateful that this is the moment that God has given. This doesn’t mean that our circumstances are perfect. It means that we trust God enough that he will do something amazing and full of blessings in our rough patches.

A Little Less Uncertain

After admiring the “gratitude” shell for a while, I gently set it back down in the grass. I buckled Wesley back into his stroller, telling him that we’ll play here again soon. As I walked away from the shell and the bench, I prayed that the shell would bless the next person who picked it up in the way that it had blessed me. But most of all, I thanked God for his simple, yet profound word to me. 

Even in the uncertainty, I can be grateful for what God is doing and what he will do. I can be grateful that God speaks in the simplest and most ordinary of places. And practicing gratitude is what makes uncertainty feel a little less uncertain.

Choosing to Live in the Present Moment (Stewarding Your Season #4)

Before having Wesley and even in the early days of motherhood, I wandered aimlessly through life. I had goals and aspirations, but life was always about getting somewhere instead of living in the right now. Part of me always wondered if there was something better out there. 

But it’s been within this season with my little boy that I’ve discovered that the present moment is all we have. I’ve finally understood the passing of precious time, as he changes so quickly before my eyes. I don’t want to miss it.

When I see his unfiltered joy, I want to capture it, and I want to feel it too. What brings me the most joy in life these days is living my days slowly, choosing to embrace all that they entail. From planting seeds to tilling soil, existing in the ordinary, this is my mindset and choice: The present moment deserves to be lived fully. I will steward it well.

Choosing to Live in the Present Moment

There is a natural progression from understanding where you are, accepting it, and changing your perspective, and then choosing to live more presently. We can do the first three well and live a fuller life, but if we don’t make the intentional choice to live in the present moment we are unable to steward our current season as well as we could.

These days, while I’m aware of the tension that exists within my heart, I’m choosing to live more presently. If I don’t make this active choice every single day, I know that I’m prone to wander, to worry, and to spiral. I have to make a choice to turn my heart toward the things of this moment rather than the regrets of the past or the concerns of tomorrow.

The here and now is all we really have. We can remember the past and prepare and hope for the future, but even those actions take place in the present moment. We have to steward these moments given to us well, and the last step in doing so is choosing to live more presently.

Here are some ways to help you as you choose to live more presently:

Find routines that work for this season.

I fully believe that the habits and routines that we engage in shape how we interact with the present moment. We have to find routines that work for us in this season instead of holding onto old ones. 

For example, in this season I’m finding myself doing my Bible study and writing during Wesley’s naptime in the afternoon rather than in the mornings like I used to. I’m practicing different spiritual disciplines in this season based on what I’m sensing I need to grow in the most. I’m also drinking a lot more coffee! Find what routines work best for you in this season and make those a part of your everyday life.

Thank God for what you have right now.

I know I suggested this as a way to help you accept where you are when it isn’t what you want, but I think it can be helpful as we choose to live presently as well. When we show gratitude to God for what we have, it ignites a spark in us. It helps us to engage these days more fully because we are appreciative of what we already have. So what are those things in your life, big or small, that you are thankful for?

Plan only for this season.

When we find ourselves planning for the fall or next spring, we lose ourselves in the future. In order to live more presently, we must only make plans for this season. I do this by taking things one week at a time. If I know I have something important coming up, I remember it, but I don’t plan for it until it’s almost here. This practice has helped me to stay present and make the most of today instead of always looking forward to the next big thing.

Continually choose to live in this moment, even when it’s painful and hard.

I know how hard living in the present moment can be. Sometimes it feels heavy with grief or tension. But even our deepest pain demands to be felt and processed. We have to wake up each morning and make the intentional choice to live more presently. It has to be a continuous practice we engage in, even when it’s really hard. But faith takes endurance and perseverance. We can only grow when we allow ourselves to face hard things.

Steward It Well

Learning to steward your season well is a practice that we must all learn so we can live more fully. By understanding where we are, accepting it, changing our perspective, and choosing to live in the present moment, we can live fully within this season given to us.

My intention with this series was to better equip you to live a life that is aware of God’s presence in the here and now, doing good with the perfect gifts he’s given. I hope that it has helped you as you desire to grow.

Remember: this moment is all we have. Now go, and live it well.

Viewing Life as a Privilege (Stewarding Your Season #3)

A lot of people don’t know that I absolutely love Marvel movies. The special effects, the storylines, and the character development are all reasons why these movies are special to me. My comfort movies are Thor: Ragnarok and Avengers: Age of Ultron.

One of my favorite lines in Age of Ultron comes at the end when the Vision is conversing with the last Ultron. While Ultron does not understand the Vision’s fascination and care for the human race, the Vision says that “it is a privilege to be among them”. I come back to that line often.

It truly is a privilege to be among others and live this life that I do.

Life is a Privilege

One day last fall, Wesley and I were taking our normal walk by the river. On that particular day I was struggling with the tension between the demands of motherhood and my dreams of writing. I wondered when the days would come where I could write uninterrupted, days where my words would flow more easily onto the page. As I pushed the stroller, the fall breeze blew, and I remembered that line: It is a privilege to be among them.

It is a privilege to live these days.

It is a privilege to be able to stay home with my baby boy.

It is a privilege to have the freedom to pursue my dreams, even within limited time.

It is a privilege to be a mother.

It is a privilege to exist within the ordinary.

And the list goes on and on.

This perspective shift was what caused me to begin to write more on present moment living. It gave me a new lens with which to view the world. When I began looking at life as a privilege rather than a challenge or an interruption, life began to feel full of opportunity. I felt more excited about my life, eager to find God in the ordinary. And I want to help you do the same so you can live a fuller life.

A Work In Progress

This perspective shift of mine didn’t happen overnight. I still have days where I feel utterly defeated and envious of others who are walking seasons I wish I was in. It’s been consistent practice and gratitude that have helped me in realizing what a privilege it is that I have the life that I do. And practice is not a process that we can rush.

I often say that I’m a work in progress. Aren’t we all? We’re all finite human beings, learning how to be better and live more fully. We make mistakes and have regrets. Oftentimes, we can be irritable, frustrated, and downright rude. I’ve found that a lot of these negative emotions and behaviors come from a limited perspective. We think things should be how we want them to be or as we always thought they were, even in our season of life or current circumstances.

But what if we broaden our perspective and allow other ideas to challenge us? What would happen if we began to live life with more of an open-mind? And what if we opened our hearts enough to notice that God’s perspective is so much bigger than ours?

In addition to realizing that life is a privilege, we also have to be willing to broaden our mindset. Changing our perspective on life to be one that is wider is a conscious choice that we must make. We have to choose to see life differently. It is an active mindset shift that happens within us.

Our life becomes more fulfilling when we allow ourselves to see with a wider lens. And we can better steward our current season when we can view it through that lens.

Here are three ways to begin changing your perspective about your current season:

Begin identifying the privileges that you have right now.

We all have things in our life that we can show gratitude for. We also have privileges afforded to us that many others do not. What are those privileges for you? When we are aware of the privileges we have, it helps to change our perspective on life.

Look at your challenges as opportunities and your frustrations as privileges.

I used to be someone who ran away from trials. Struggles were to be avoided at all cost. But once I started realizing the lessons I was learning through my struggles, I started to embrace the challenges that came my way. 

When we start viewing our challenges or problems as opportunities, we open ourselves up to a whole new way of thinking about life. Same with the frustrations and annoyances of our daily life. If we started to look at them as privileges, how would our lives change? I believe that we would begin to find goodness even in the most frustrating or challenging parts of life.

Remember that God’s perspective is higher than ours.

Regardless of our circumstances, we have to remember that God’s perspective will always be so much greater than ours. He sees the big picture, and He coordinates everything according to it. He sticks to the plan, His master plan. We have to trust that God truly knows better than we do.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts.”

-Isaiah 55:8-9

When we begin to change our perspective and mindset about our current circumstances, we open ourselves up to so many possibilities. Suddenly, life begins to feel like a privilege. Our circumstances in this present moment seem so much more important to live out fully. 

It truly is a privilege to live this life.

Accepting Where You Are When It Isn’t What You Wanted (Stewarding Your Season #2)

I never thought I would still be a stay-at-home mom at this point. When Wesley was born, I always imagined him going to daycare and me pursuing a career once he turned a year old. But one year came and went, and I chose to continue to stay home with him.

And to be honest, that decision has been really hard on me.

These days, I often find myself wondering what am I even doing with my life? I have such strong passions and dreams, and yet I’m still spending my days with my 15 month old. I long for a career and going into the office. My book dreams are at the forefront of my mind. Motherhood is my primary job today, but what about my other callings and giftings?

I’m continuing to trust that if this is where God has me, there must be purpose in it. If this is the decision we made as a family and we knew God was in it, it must have been for a reason. I’m planting seeds and tilling the soil until the flourishing comes.

I’ve accepted that this season right now is a necessary one–even if it isn’t what I wanted.

The Present Is All We Have

Once we’ve understood and named our current season, our next step is to accept it. Most of us wish we were somewhere else in life. We wish for different careers, to go on a vacation, or to have children. Some of us wish we could revive a lost relationship or go back to an old home or job. 

I know I find myself longing for things that have been long gone. But I also find myself wishing for the future at times. I wonder what things will be like when I have a career again or when Wesley is in school. Life often moves too slow for our liking.

But the truth is, the present is all we really have. The choices we make now impact our future. And the way we live the season we are in now shapes our future too. Even if our current season is one that we would never choose, we still have to accept that it’s where we are now. We have to remember that God is the author of our lives. He’s holding the trail map, and He’s writing it out. It’s our job to follow the map, living each moment presently and with purpose.

Accepting Where We Are

When I think about accepting where we are, I think about being okay with our circumstances. I imagine an attitude of complete trust and surrender. I imagine showing God gratitude for what he’s given, even if it’s not something we wanted or knew we needed. Accepting where we are comes with an attitude of humility as we lay down our own agendas and need for control. It’s an active heart-change and attitude shift. 

We have to accept where we are before we can live it well or live it better. We cannot steward the life we’ve been given well when we’re too busy wishing it away. Instead, we have to take what we’ve been given and use it for God’s glory. 

Where you are right now is all part of God’s master plan for your life. When you accept that this season is a necessary one in your faith journey, you will begin to see all the ways that God is working things out for you right here and now.

But how do we accept where we are, especially if it isn’t what we wanted?

We practice gratitude for what we have, even when it’s hard.

Gratitude is a spiritual discipline I come back to often. It’s the act of thanking God for what he has given and done for us. Even when it’s hard to thank God today, look for the little things, the small pieces of goodness that still exist. Sometimes it’s just the soft breeze or the dandelions in the grass. Begin thanking God for his good gifts, and soon you will be able to see his hand in everything.

We give control back to God.

It’s hard to accept where we are when we’re trying to be in control of our lives. Sometimes, we can even believe that we’ve failed because we aren’t where we thought we would be. But God is in control of the universe, not us. We cannot will for things to be a certain way and make it happen. When we give control back to God, we are giving him permission to continue being in control. It takes the pressure off of us and puts control back where it belongs.

We take on an attitude of surrender.

When we give control back to God, it’s easier to take on an attitude of surrender. To me, surrender looks like open-handed living. It’s living in such a way that we are open to what God is doing in our lives and allowing the Spirit to guide us. You can read more about open-handed living in a blog post from last summer here.

We lay down our own agendas and expectations.

I’ve always been someone that has high expectations. For most of my life, it’s served me well. It’s helped me keep my standards high and stick to my morals when making decisions. But it’s also led to a lot of disappointment when life turns out differently than I planned or expected. I’ve learned that it’s important to have some expectations and plans, but we have to be open to what God could do. We have to allow room for God to work. We have to be willing to set aside our own agendas and expectations so God’s can be the ones that guide our lives.

When we are able to accept where we are, we are better able to steward this season of life. I pray that you are encouraged in knowing that God doesn’t make mistakes. There are no accidents with God. He has you where you are for a specific purpose at this specific time.